I'm trying to tell you something

I’m trying to tell you something

I’m trying to tell you something about my life.
About how I struggle from day to day
To simply live.
About how I wish, hope, pray.
About how I yearn to rid myself of the pain.
About how this body is not mine,
Not me.
I am not this body.
I am simply contained within it.

I’m trying to tell you something about my essence.
About my true being.
About how I long to break free from this body,
From this vessel that has endured so much,
And be free.
Fly with the wind,
Laugh with the trees,
Dance with the eagle as it soars through the sky,
And be free.
Be free to be me.

I’m trying to tell you something about my soul.
About who I really am.
About the way I search for belonging,
For acceptance,
For where I belong,
For my place in this world.
About how I long to feel warm,
And safe,
And know who I am,
And know there is someone who knows me,
And loves me,
And will always love me.
Someone who will hold me in their arms when I cry,
And calm my fears,
And complete my soul,
My longing,
My belonging.

I’m trying to tell you something about love.
About how I long to look into someone’s eyes
And see myself reflected back.
To see myself through the eyes of love,
Someone else’s love for me,
Unconditional,
Unwavering.
About how I sometimes wonder if this exists,
If there is really someone out there
Who will look into my eyes
And see all the way to my soul.
And bring out of me all that is beautiful
And hidden
Deep within me.
About how I want to know that I’m complete,
Loved,
Happy,
And that I make someone else feel the same way.

I’m trying to tell you something about who I really am,
About my true being,
My core,
My center.
About how I am just energy,
Just light,
Pure and white and simple.
About how I radiate and shine.
About how few can really see me.
Few really know me.
Few have seen my light.
About how it is protected,
Deep within me.
About how I’m afraid that if I let it shine free,
It will be lost forever.
About how I long to let it shine free,
To let everyone see how beautiful it can be,
How beautiful I can be,
How free,
How real,
How pure and good.

I’m trying to tell you something about my life.
About how this body is not mine,
Not me.
I am not this body.
I am simply contained within it.
--October 17, 2003